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Why do black men cheat? More of them cheat than we even realize…

March 31, 2014


by: Josiah Jenkins
Men cheat because of a void. Plain and simple. This is why women do too. However, men don’t always cheat in the form of infidelity with another female. It’s just that “infidelity” is what women are hurt by the most. The fact of the matter is, men deflect to a variety of things to help them fill that “void” they feel they are missing. Men get involved with gambling, alcohol, sports, socializing, drug abuse, money spending, infidelity, prostitution, pornography, strip clubs, extreme activities, career and more to pacify this void. But here again, women typically only make a big deal over infidelity, and only feel pain or adjust their behavior when their man gives his attention to another woman. If women would recognize a “voided” man through the above, seemingly normal, extra-curricular activities, they would not encounter as much abandonment and hurt by their man. They would see that it really isn’t “extra”. It’s part of their way of life and what makes them appear to be dealing with what you are not offering.

Okay. So we got that part straight. The next question is where does the void come from? Oddly, this part is the easy part for women. Men are seekers of peace and respect. They want to feel respected by those they serve. I truly believe a man should serve his woman but not where he receives the respect of a servant. He serves and should feel respected. Women, being the emotional creatures, want to feel loved. I also believe women should serve their man, but while they are serving they should get that feeling of love and appreciation from him. I’ve told females that a man would easier settle down with a less attractive woman that gives him peace and respect, than a gorgeous woman who causes him strife. He may have sex with strife, but best believe he will quicker settle down with peace.

So the final logical question would be, “Why do men opt for these superficially gratifying and external activities? It’s simple. Culture. Let’s be real for a minute. When a woman is in distress a support system rallies around her to ensure she does not slip further into detriment and is brought back whole. This is expected AND accepted. Men, on the other hand, are taught to be a warrior and help himself through whatever he is going through. He is not even encouraged to discuss intimate or vulnerable issues with his closest friends. To be quite honest, because men are raised that way, his male friends aren’t prepared to maturely handle sentimental issues anyway. So instead of reaching out, we recoil. We go into depression. We become listless and homeless at alarmingly higher rates than women. While women have a band of warriors and friends healing them, we are left alone to self-medicate. This self-medication comes out in the form of many activities. Some of what I mentioned in the first paragraph.

There are a lot of micro-inequities that happen to men almost on a daily basis that makes us feel like they are alone. If they get a flat tire, no one immediately stops to help. If their hands are full, no one holds the door open for them. If they approach a stranger to ask a routine question, that stranger subconsciously becomes guarded.

If we were to count the number of deflecting men who feel a void and begin self-medicating we would actually realize that there are many more cheaters than we can count. Men aren’t machines. We are humans with emotions just like women and children. What seems different is how we respond to what happens to us or what is not happening for us. It’s culture. It looks apathetic. It looks unemotional. It looks rational. But if you take a closer look you would actually see our emotions are at work. They just come out in ways that make us seem aloof and barbaric and not compassionate and monogamous.

One of the best relationship counselors I’ve ever encountered is Leroy Scott, MDiv. If you are suffering in silence because of your relationship, whether man or woman, he is a person I am sure can shed even more light on your situation that my column did!

3 Comments leave one →
  1. April 7, 2014 6:56 pm

    Great article and food for thought Ladies~~~HUM

  2. Dayana Jacques permalink
    May 5, 2014 7:27 pm

    very insightful thanks

  3. Jasmine permalink
    March 12, 2015 6:53 am

    This is a really really good article, thank you. It really helped shed some light on my situation

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